


Refuge

by blu_eyed_demon



Category: Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Anxiety/Panic Attack, Astraphobia, Canon Compliant, Claustrophobia, Comfort, First Kisses, M/M, Phobias, Simon needs to be talked out of a panic, bed sharing, not a full one but don't want to trigger or stress anyone, so far as season one finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 07:28:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7160015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blu_eyed_demon/pseuds/blu_eyed_demon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raphael goes to check on Simon and discovers him sleeping on the floor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Refuge

Simon woke to the feeling of being shaken. Bleerily, he opened his eyes to find that Raphael was kneeling beside him and looking worried. 

“What, what's happening?” He mumbled, blinking furiously. 

“Dios, Simon. You were on the floor, what happened?” Raphael still looked worried, he was guiding Simon's head from side to side. It suddenly occurred to Simon that the older vampire was checking for injuries. “Were you attacked?” 

“What? No! Nothing, nothing,” He started sit up, blinking furiously. “I was just sleeping, last night was pretty crazy.” 

A shadowhunter and downworlder meeting about Valentine had been crashed by Valentine and his crew. The fighting had been brutal and although no one on their side had been killed, more than a few had been maimed.

“You passed out before you reached your casket? You should have said you if needed to feed Simon! You can't ignore these things-” 

Raphael was still looking so worried for him, something that Simon in a more awake moment would think of as touching and perhaps a little sweet though he tried to not react to it. Raphael was their leader and he was the fledgling with Shadowhunter connections, Raphael had to be concerned for his well-being. It wasn't personal. 

Shaking his head, Simon told him “No, no, I was just asleep. No passing out.” 

“Then why were you on the floor?” Ah, there was annoyed and confused Raphael voice, one Simon was a lot more familiar with. 

“I, um, I don't like uh,” If he'd still been human, he would have been blushing he was pretty sure. “I know it's stupid but it's from before, you know when I was human and I know it's completely lame for a vampire to have a human phobia when they're meant to be all like badass but I'm not exactly a badass vampire anyway and-” 

He was cut off by Raphael putting a finger to his lips. Raphael's finger on his lips. Huh. 

“You're spiraling.” He was gentler now, gentle Raphael was not one he knew well. “You might not need to breathe but, still, you need to slow down. You need to relax, so just listen ok? Calm.” He actually stroked Simon's cheek as he guided him to sit back against the wall. “We all keep a part of our human self, the best of us do. Having a phobia is not a shameful thing. Ok?” 

Simon nodded silently and Raphael continued “Let me guess, you don't like small spaces, do you? That's pretty common after rising, the whole being buried alive thing tends to trigger it. You could have come to me, you know. You didn't have to sleep on the floor, Simon.” 

As he'd spoken, Simon let his words wash over him and ground him. He hadn't meant to spiral but between the anxiety he felt at the very thought of having to get that casket and the absolute embarrassment to have to admit it to Raphael, he'd quickly started to fall into a panic. He hadn't want Raphael to see him as his lamest and weakest. After all not only was he supposed to be Simon's leader and mentor, Simon had pretty much been crushing on him for a while now. 

But Raphael speaking to him so calmly, so gently, had helped ground Simon again along with his touch. The cool hand on his cheek, the thumb stroking. It was the first time anyone but Clary had managed to talk him down so effectively and quickly. Not even his mom or Rebecca were that good at it.

“Where else?” His hand reached up with a will of it's own and held onto Raphael's wrist as the elderly vampire's hand cupped his cheek. Any other time he wouldn't have dared. “Where else would I sleep?” 

They hadn't been intending to have a new fledgling but they'd thrown together the necessities for a room and given him some hand me downs. Well, Raphael's hand me downs mostly which he'd pretended to not be as pleased to be wearing as he was. Enhanced senses meant he could smell Raphael's cologne still lingering on them all. 

“Come on, up,” Raphael was pulling him by the hands now, getting Simon to his feet. He only let go of one hand as he led Simon out of the room and down the hall. 

“Why's it so quiet?” Simon asked, wondering where they were going. He'd been training more, learning to listen as a vampire and Raphael was becoming less and less able to sneak up on him. It also meant that he now noticed the hotel was unusually still. 

“It's daytime. I had to stay up for a meeting with representatives from the Seelies, Warlocks and dogs.” Raphael told him, not looking back to him though he shook his head in amusement when Simon objected to the werewolf insult. 

They were cutting through the main room with the gold chairs. The room they seemed to do all of their business in. A sharp left and Simon realised he was being taken to Raphael's private quarters. He'd never gone in there before, he only knew where they were because he'd be told not to go this way. 

“To decide we'll side with the Shadowhunters?” He asked as Raphael opened the door. 

“Something like that.” 

Simon wasn't really listening to the reply though, he was taking in the surroundings. Since he'd heard the others referred to this area as the leader's suite, he assumed Raphael had to have only moved in recently which meant that the décor was probably Camille's choices. 

Plush and ostentatious but just barely on the good side of tacky, it was a lot bolder and over the top that he'd expect from Raphael anyway. Raphael was always immaculate and, yes, had a weakness for designer clothes (even the t-shirt and sweats Simon currently wore of his were designer. Why did anyone need designer sweatpants?) but he struck Simon as someone who'd have a more refined and simpler taste than what this room showed. 

Still being led by the hand, Simon's eyes widened dramatically as he suddenly noticed they'd bypassed the lounge area and were now in the bedroom. Raphael was currently leading him towards a large and ridiculously comfortable looking bed. 

“Uh, Raphael?” This was not a turn of events he ever could have predicted. “What are we...?”

“You need to sleep and you'll get better sleep on a bed than the floor,” Raphael's tone was very matter of fact. “I may be hard on you to get you to learn but I'm not sadistic. I'm not going to force you to face your fears.”

He released Simon's hand and motioned to the bed. Deciding that arguing right now would be idiotic (though that hadn't always been enough to stop him in the past), Simon just slipped under the covers and breathed an unneeded sigh of relief. Oh yeah, that was better. 

When he opened his eyes again, he noticed Raphael had moved over to his wardrobe and was removing his shoes before neatly lining them up in the bottom of the wardrobe. It made Simon smile because, of course he took insanely good care of his fancy clothes, that was just pure Raphael. 

And then he straightened up and after a few moments Simon realised that Raphael must be unbuttoning his waistcoat. He was stripping off and, having turned away, he way also treating Simon to an uninterrupted view of his ass. 

This crush was both ridiculous and annoying, Simon had decided this way back when it first reared it's ugly head. He'd chalked it down to having a bit of a thing for confident leaders. Like the other night when Alec had been issuing orders and doing his thing and for a moment Simon had caught himself thinking 'Daaaaamn' until remembering that this was Alec who he was checking out. 

But Raphael wasn't being a leader type right now, he was just changing. Stripping. And maybe Simon shouldn't still be looking, ok he definitely shouldn't be looking but Raphael was the one stripping in front of him when he could have gone to another room. Then again guys didn't always assume the dude they were stripping with wasn't straight and Raphael was from another time. At least half a century or so, Simon hadn't yet found out exactly when Raphael had been turned. 

Raphael who was now walking over to him, right past the casket and straight towards the bed. He was wearing black boxer briefs and nothing else. 

Simon swallowed as his mouth went dry, trying to just look to the older vampire's face. “Why, um...” Don't ask about the nakedness, Simon mentally told himself “Why'd you even come in my room?” 

Raphael shrugged a little “You took some nasty hits, I wanted to check you were ok.” 

He pulled the covers back and got inside, the surprise must have shown on Simon's face because Raphael gave him one of his best 'you idiot' looks. “You think I'd leave you alone to overthink again? Besides, if things hadn't been so crazy around here lately I would have caught on sooner. Like I said the trauma of crawling out of the grave affects a lot of fledglings.” 

He was laying on his side, facing Simon and suddenly the bed didn't feel so big anymore. As Simon watched, Raphael reached out again “I'm sorry, you suffered because I was too distracted. I'm meant to be the one looking out for you.” The hand stroked his cheek again, pause for a moment again. 

Was this, was this Raphael putting the moves on him? Now? What? 

Before Simon could form a response, Raphael very suddenly flinched. 

“I-, Raphael are you...ok?” It was Simon's turn to be concerned now. 

Slowly the older vampire stopped cringed and gave a brief, awkward smile. “The other reason I wasn't sleeping, I told you plenty of vampires still have their human fears.” 

Simon moved a little closer. Raphael had not only been surprisingly compassionate to him but now he was genuinely sharing a vulnerability with Simon, which struck him deeply. A leader couldn't show any weakness, not to just anyone. This meant something even if he wasn't entirely sure what. 

Now that he was trying to find a source of the fear, he could hear the storm outside of the building pretty clearly. 

“You don't like storms,” He said softly, “Thunder?” 

Raphael nodded a little “Foolish, I know but ever since I was small I've hated it.” 

Simon could feel his smile growing as well as his confidence as he moved closed enough to wrap an arm around Raphael. Their faces so close now. “Look as us, two horror movie monsters hiding under the covers in fear. I feel like this should be a Pixar animation. 'The Fraidy Vamps'.” 

Raphael laughed, only slightly but that was pretty much the first time Simon had made him laugh. Well intentionally made him laugh, at least. 

And then life suddenly went into slow motion for Simon. Raphael was leaning in, eyes closing and his lips parting a little. Simon was sure if he'd still been human then his heart would have been pounding like mad but as it was he simply felt a rush of excitement and leaned in to meet Raphael's lips. 

The kiss was slow and sweet and when the next crack of thunder came Raphael tensed for a moment before relaxing again and pulling Simon closer. There was no need to come up for air and so they lay there for a long while simply holding and kissing one another. It got to the point where Raphael wasn't even reacting to the thunder at all.

Eventually though, Raphael pulled away and look down at him with an affectionate smile. “It's nearly midday, you're going to fall asleep on me in a moment.” 

Simon knew it was true, with the chaos going on since Jace's abduction he'd been awake at strange times both night and day not to mention the whole not wanting to sleep in the casket thing. He was just so relaxed and safe feeling now but still, he frowned a little out of concern. “You sure you're alright?” 

Raphael smiled “I am now.” A little bit of shifting about and Simon found himself curled up around Raphael and holding him close, surprisingly he seemed to have ended up the big spoon. A very pleasant surprise, it felt good to have the older vampire in his arms. 

Smiling, he nuzzled into Raphael's neck. 

“You know,” The older vampire started, “You could come sleep here any night the casket makes you feel uncomfortable.” 

“That's every night.” Simon pointed out to him, his arm was tight around Raphael and he smiled wide as he felt fingers entwine with his. 

“Oh, so it is.” And Raphael sounds so smug that Simon just knew he was smirking. 

Closing his eyes, Simon felt relaxed enough to decently sleep for the first time in a long while. Yawning softly, he replied 

“Sounds perfect.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed and want to send me prompts head over to my writing tumblr blu-eyed-fic  
> and if you just wanna check out my tumble I'm blu-eyed-demon


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